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[08.01] Death Is Hated: Breaking the Taboo

• Barry and Charlotte dive into death as one of the most avoided topics in Western culture, yet something every human will face.
• Charlotte discusses the deep loneliness that often surrounds death, both professionally and personally.
• Euphemisms in children’s books and culture sanitize death, distancing people from its reality.
• She explains how being clear and concrete about death with her own children creates more comfort and familiarity.
• Charlotte challenges the cultural resistance to confronting mortality, urging open conversations from a young age.
• The connection between fear, shame, and lack of exposure to death is explored as a root of societal discomfort.
• Barry and Charlotte humorously unpack how even professionals avoid discussing her work, treating her like she has “cooties.”
• Death, they agree, should be normalized as a natural and ever-present part of the human journey.

[16.00] From Doula to Deathworker

• Charlotte shares how she became one of the youngest doulas in the U.S. at just 16, supporting women through childbirth.
• Her presence during birth was transformative—both for the mothers she supported and for her own later experiences.
• The idea of being “present” emotionally and spiritually emerges as a key theme in her work on both ends of life.
• Charlotte recalls a pivotal moment in medical school witnessing a woman die in childbirth—and how calmly she was able to sit in that tragedy.
• That experience, along with the emotional avoidance she saw in healthcare professionals, revealed her unique gift.
• Barry likens Charlotte to a “doula of death,” someone who supports individuals and families during the transition out of life.
• She draws a parallel between birth and death—both powerful, transitional, and transformative experiences.
• Charlotte realized that helping people die well could be just as sacred and important as helping people be born.

[23.00] When Death Becomes Personal

• Charlotte vulnerably shares her own experience of late-term miscarriage during medical school.
• The loss, though tragic, helped her realize death isn’t just something that happens to “other people.”
• Her ability to grieve openly and stay connected to her loved ones became a model for healthy mourning.
• Barry shares the story of his wife’s miscarriages and how deeply death impacts those trying to create life.
• This personal experience, paired with witnessing death professionally, catalyzed Charlotte’s decision to pivot toward end-of-life care.
• She emphasizes that death shaped her worldview, making her a more joyful, optimistic person.
• Holding space for joy and sorrow at the same time is something she believes more people need to learn.
• Charlotte speaks passionately about using death as a mirror, a teacher, and a motivator to live with greater intention.

[30.00] Creating Closure and a Beautiful Death

• Charlotte explains how avoidance of death during life often leads to chaos, fear, and regret at the end.
• Families unprepared for death are often distracted by paperwork, medical choices, and unspoken feelings.
• In contrast, families who have openly discussed death experience more closure, peace, and even beauty.
• She urges listeners to start conversations with loved ones early and often—about values, wishes, fears.
• Barry brings in the metaphor of cut flowers as beautiful but dying—inviting a shift in how we perceive impermanence.
• Charlotte highlights that beauty in death comes from connection, honesty, and spiritual alignment.
• A “good death” can become a legacy, influencing how survivors live and relate to others.
• Barry and Charlotte both emphasize gratitude as a transformative lens for life and death alike.

[43.00] Show Up: Transforming Through Death

• Charlotte shares that her most fervent desire is simply to be with her husband and family—a reminder of what truly matters.
• She encourages listeners to practice talking about death regularly, using it as a catalyst for deeper connection.
• Barry introduces SOS as a new acronym: Source of Support—being present for someone in their hardest moments.
• Charlotte lists practical ways to engage with death: talking with family, volunteering for hospice, attending funerals.
• Exposure, she explains, is key to developing comfort with death and lessening psychological pain.
• The more spiritual and emotional peace a dying person has, the calmer and more meaningful the process can be.
• Death, when approached with presence and intention, becomes a tool for transformation for everyone involved.
• Charlotte’s life work reminds us: thinking about death doesn’t hasten it—it deepens our capacity to live.

Charlotte Grinberg is an internal medicine physician and the founder of To Life, a primary care practice focused on improving health spans. She lives in Washington, D.C with her husband and her five children. She has also worked as a hospice medical director. She writes medical narrative essays featured in NEJM, JAMA, Health Affairs, STAT, SLATE, and The Free Press. Also fun fact, she was the youngest certificated childbirth doula at age 16.